Friday, April 20, 2007

Declaration of War

Attention Squirrels that live in the trees around my home:
I really do think you guys are adorable. I loved watching you leap from tree to tree, playing grab-ass and other squirrely games. I was tickled to find out you actually make tiny purring noises at each other. I loved leaving you peanuts on my bedroom windowsill so I could watch you eat.
But that is no more.
It was one thing when you kept eating the blossoms (and a great deal of the plant) off the Impatiens and Petunias I planted near the front door. I was fine resorting to a little chemical warfare: planing garlic among the flowers (it is probably too late to actually get a crop of garlic if they grow; but I know the plants smell garlicy and I hoped it would deter you).
I was completely willing to overlook that. Hey, it might not even be you, I have no proof.
But building a nest on my engine block, from my cars insulation, is TOO MUCH. What if had caught fire? Really not good for my car, and less than ideal for the tiny squirrels you intended on placing there. Thankfully, I discovered the nest in an un-squirreled state.
I try to use my car as little as possible to be kind to the environment and save on fuel costs. Not to create a squirrel hotel. Stay the hell out of my car. I know you are just rats with personality.
No peanuts for you!