Sunday, March 01, 2009

The arranging of Baggage

I just had the most wonderful epiphany. I was pinned down earlier today by someone whom I do not like. And just now, I realized there is no need for me to be held hostage to her negative rants. I know that in the past she has said some nasty things about me, when I was YW president. It really upset me that hours after merely speaking with her, she still has the power to make me feel bad about myself.

But just now, I remembered that there is no reason for me to have to talk to her ever again. I am not in YW anymore. I was in fact released about 8 months ago. I do not need to subject myself to her verbal poison. I have never heard her say anything that was not a complaint-frequently very personal things about people I know. I would not stand near someone who was using fire unsafely; why would I let myself be burned by her vitriol.

So I happily release myself from any misplaced sense of responsibility I might feel. It is not my job to make her feel happy with our ward. I will remain polite, but if she interjects herself into a conversation I will excuse myself and leave at once. Interactions with her will be 10 words or less. I don't need her or the emotional weight, and like a balloon I am letting it go. And it is so beautiful to watch it float away.